somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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