i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
