I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
