fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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