is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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