I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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