I think I am morally bankrupt
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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