i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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