WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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