Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
