look no pants
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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