ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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