So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
