I just threw up on my dentist
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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