I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
