I puked a lego.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize