You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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