It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
