Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
