I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize