the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
