im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
