Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
