He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
