I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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