She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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