I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
