My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
