OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
