i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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