WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
