I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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