went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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