but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
