i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
