oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
