This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
