And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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