i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
