I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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