I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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