how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
