remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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