Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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