Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
