I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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