Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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