swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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