I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize