You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
