is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
