yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize