Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize