cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
soo... how was my night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
