If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
