omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize