I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
