Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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