Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
