Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
