my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
