i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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