I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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