UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
