I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
