4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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