had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
