I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
