I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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