He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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