I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
