My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
