Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
