just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
